It is Friday night and I am sitting at the computer working on videos and my blogs. I have actually been so busy that I just realised I posted two videos today but didn't actually plan one for tomorrow. Hmmmm that wasn't a good idea.
Anyway thats not what this blog is about. I am feeling really down today illness wise. I had to cancel my friend for the second day in a row because I was just so sore I couldn't get out of bed so there was no way I would be able to have her over :-( I just get so sick and tired of having to cancel plans and not get to see people.
My body is really weak today. I feel so achey. Proper flu like pain. I remember over the years all those times I thought I had the flu when obviously it was this that was causing it. I don't know whether I am frustrated or relieved. It is so weird on the one hand I know now why all the things were happening to me and why I never got over things quickly, but also I fought for ten years to find out what was wrong and it was just my friend mentioning to me that my symptoms seemed like what she has. I dread to think what would be happening to me now if it hadn't been for that chance conversation. Thank goodness for Sue!!!
I really wanted to talk to you guys about what it is like for me to have fibro fog and how it affects my life.
Most of you reading this probably already know what fibro fog is but just in case you don't. Here is the snippet I read on a About.com website:
Brain fog (also called fibro fog or cognitive dysfunction) is one of the most common complaints of people with fibromyalgia (FMS) and chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS or ME/CFS). For many, it can be severe and can have just as big an impact on their lives as pain or fatigue. In fact, some people say brain fog is more of a disability than their physical symptoms.
So for me I find that I so often forget words, simple things that I have been saying from I started talking, but its like they are on the tip of my tongue but I just cannot get them out. It is a real struggle to keep up with conversations when there is more than one person talking to me. I find it so hard to concentrate on each person, its worse when they talk over each other or but in. Though the worst is when people interrupt me mid sentence because by the time I get back around to talking 9 times out of 10 I have forgotten what I was going to say. If it isn't about forgetting words I mix words up, like I would say dalking the wog, or something along those lines. I try to laugh it off mostly, but I have to say that it really really gets to me, especially when I am talking to people in a professional manner. I feel so stupid stumbling over words or forgetting what I am saying. I stop talking half way through sentences without even realising, or say something then repeat myself few minutes later not realising I have already said it.
The biggest issue for me is forgetfulness, if I don't write something down, do not expect me to remember, because within a few minutes I have basically forgotten what we were talking about or even that we talked. No joking this week I totally forgot I had been talking to someone only a few hours after. It drives me insane. I get so angry and frustrated with myself that I just cry sometimes. It is so hard for me, because although I have always had that little ditziness about me, I used to be able to talk better. I worked in offices, I took meetings, I worked in a call centre, talking was my job and I could've sold ice to an eskimo back then. Nowadays I struggle so hard to get control of what I am talking about. It takes me so much time to edit my videos because of the amount I have to edit out because I have basically rambled and repeated the same things repeatedly or said things wrong or forgotten things. It drives me crazy.
People don't get how hard something as simple as that is to live with. I have people who think it is ok to laugh at me. To make fun of me for it. That hurts me as well. It makes me feel so small. Even though they think they are doing the right thing by trying to make light of it, it doesn't work that way. Don't get me wrong compared to how I was last year with the added effects of medication I am in a different league. I am hoping that I will get better than I am now. I won't hold my breath but ho hum, there are worse things to live with I know, but that doesn't help how I feel.
Anyway, I think thats enough rambling for today. I hope this has made sense and has been helpful. Let me know in the comments section, what is the hardest thing about Fibro fog for you?
Love you all so much,
Lynds, xxxxxx
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